Monday, December 05, 2011


Whew! What a month that was. I tried in the beginning to keep life normal, but eventually life overwhelmed me. Hence the ending of my every day posts. I didn't stop being thankful, because I think I had more to be thankful for this year than most others, but I just couldn't keep any more balls juggling in the air. This post may be a little more information than you wanted, but it has been my life and noteworthy. 
*Consider yourself warned*
We were/are DONE having kids. We have ended the "new baby" chapter of the Bake book and have gotten rid of all our baby stuff. We are enjoying that we fit perfectly at our table, in our car, and in our house and we know that we're the family we were meant to be. In addition to the fact that we're very happy with our family size, my own personal struggles with Rheumatoid Arthritis pretty much sealed the deal that more kids would not be in my family's future. Because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis, I take a medicine called methotrexate. If you are not familiar with the medicine, it is VERY non compatible with pregnancy (in that it usually ends them). Because of all of those things, I have been using an IUD since May. There have been some issues with the IUD, but I was assured that it was doing its job just fine. Come to the last week of October and the day after my big super saturday at church I found out I was pregnant. (this is where the sound of my jaw hitting the floor echoed throughout the North American Continent.) 
During the course of November I was told...

  • My IUD had completely disappeared (they still have no idea where it is) but that the pregnancy was looking normal.
  • I had an ectopic pregnancy and we would have to cause a miscarriage (ironically with the same methotrexate that I take for my RA)
  • They were kidding, it wasn't ectopic and that it was probably ok, but the US just looked "funny"
  • I was normal pregnant and things were just developing a little slower
  • It was a molar pregnancy
  • It was just a Blighted Ovum but that I possibly had gotten pregnant again.
To add to the fun I also had

  • 7 blood draws
  • 4 Ultra Sounds
  • 2 sets of doctors
  • I was just getting off of being in charge of super saturday (huge craft day at church)
  • Halloween with 4 kids
  • I assisted in a book drive and book referb for the local children's bank
  • I got volunteered to be in charge of a booth at the kids Harvest carnival at school (which ended up with 7 hours at the school since they needed more help)
  • I was in charge of all of the kid games at our church's harvest carnival
  • I was in charge of a semi formal christmas dinner to feed almost 100 ladies at church
  • Family pictures to find outfits for and everything else that goes with making a family of 6 presentable
At first, I was really thrown off guard that I could have possibly gotten pregnant. I was NOT ready for a #5. But within a week, when it set in that I indeed was pregnant, I couldnt help but fall in love with #5. The following month of "yes you are, no you aren't" was really very difficult to wrap my head around. It was really hard to keep hopes up against all odds. Emotionally draining does not even begin to describe what those 5 weeks were like. When I actually miscarried during the week of Thanksgiving I was almost thankful because it finally meant a concrete answer after a five week roller coaster of emotions. So by the time the pregnancy ended I had mourned the loss of the baby twice by then and was emotionally empty- so mostly I only had the physical aspect of it to deal with at the time. (which Im trying to think of as a blessing. Silver linings right?) 

So there we go. Im trying to take a deep breath and get prepared for the crazy that is the Christmas season. Thankfully I have nothing big on my plate for the next month (other than buying presents since I haven't gotten a single one yet)

I want to give a massively huge THANK YOU to everyone that dealt with my crazy, gave me a shoulder to vent/cry on, brought dinners, watched my kids, and in general gave me support. I also want to apologize to anyone who felt left out for not knowing. I never had a solid answer to give people so we didn't really share, and once we had a solid answer I just want to wash my hair of it and put it behind me. 

So we don't end on a totally depressing note
Here is a random picture from November- Kate Marching in the Macy' Thanksgiving Day parade in Downtown Portland with the local high school's Color Guard. 


Char @ Crap I've Made said...

Love you!

Lori said...

Hearts for becky! I'm so sorry it was a rough month. I have high hopes for december making up for it though! If it matters at all, I really think you handled the whole thing like a champ.

Chris said...

Yikes! Thanks for sharing; that's a lot to go through. We'll be praying for you. What a hard thing to go through, and especially at this time of year. Things are bound to change at some point.

Jennifer said...

:(. Such a rollercoaster. I still feel so bad for you going through all that, and I do mourn the #5 that wasn't meant to be, but onwards we go... just keep swimming:)